


Awestruck

by double_cross



Series: it could be easier [1]
Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Bittersweet, Character Study, Fluff, Lack of Communication, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 02:34:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19984618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/double_cross/pseuds/double_cross
Summary: Everything Soldier knew that very moment was that it was night, that they were only illuminated by a shy moonlight ray that was making everything around them appear blue, and there it was something about petting his man hair (and face) that was making him get lost in his consciousness.





	Awestruck

At that point Soldier had lost the track of time. For an indefinite interval he had being caressing lightly Demoman’s short porous hair, who had his head resting in Soldier’s lap. Soldier had his back leaning in the wall next to the bed, while Demo’s feet were hanging out of the bed.

Everything Soldier knew that very moment was that it was night, that they were only illuminated by a shy moonlight ray that was making everything around them appear blue, and there it was something about petting his man hair (and face) that was making him get lost in his consciousness.

 _“If you are goin’ tae tell me something, tell me now before I fall asleep,”_ said Demoman to him time ago that day. He sensed better than Soldier himself Soldier’s own thoughts—he could read Soldier as an open book. Soldier thought and thought, but he couldn’t form into words what he was feeling, something that maybe he’d never could, he deeply feared.

_(“Or just stop petting me hair like that, it makes me sleepy.”_

_“...No.”_

_“Well, then...”)_

Something, _new_ , huh?

That was a start.

Demoman was more affectionate than Soldier ever was, even if he tried to hide it, ashamed. It didn’t take too long for Soldier to realize that—though perhaps any longer would have been too late. Demo was so craving for any sign of affection that anything was able to make Tavish melt in Soldier awkward hands. As Demoman was longing, Soldier never thought about himself getting too much affection, nothing more that what friendship (or a casual encounter) could offer. He was a soldier, dear God, and he and God also knew that most people never liked him (that much), except for Demo. Soldier hardly bothered thinking about that, with the years he forgot about most life aspirations aside from serving his beloved country. He had more important things to care; too selfless to think about himself aside from a few pleasures of life like ribs, beer, and military music. Soldier couldn’t imagine himself having anything similar to a partner, which seemed like a too lunatic dream for a man that was conscious enough of himself not being what’s know as a common man.

 _“Are ye sure ye want this?”_ queried Demoman once, with the face of a man who just saw a ghost, the moment he grasped that things between them were evolving, and for once in his life, _for good_. It wasn’t something that he was used to either—just as Soldier.

_“Affirmative.”_

_“For real?”_ Demoman insisted several times. He showed Soldier from the more essentials the different ways of how love can be express. He was patient and considerate, conscious of the unfamiliarity of Soldier with touch, with more constant dearly affection. As Demo worked his way to spoil Soldier as much he wanted, their love from each other grew as the time went by. However, something was still missing.

How Soldier could answer Demo’s questions? How he was supposed to tell Demoman that he wanted him, that he trusted him with all his being with words, when those refused to come out of his mouth? He couldn’t replicate the love words that Tavish could tell him with ease, not without his speech crumbled before he could even speak.

He could at least be as much tender as he could with Demo, something more easy to mimic and learn from him, however, still something new in Soldier’s life. There was something mesmerizing about being able to truly show sincere endearment to other person. _Touching_ another person, tenderly? Wow, just _wow_. Soldier was still in complete awe, even after already getting comfortable with it. Petting his (wild) animals wasn’t of course the same. Soldier was already versed about the more highness devotion though, but a type without return. Some even dared to insinuate that his country didn’t know about his existence due to his peculiar name. An N.N.? _Bullshit_ —yet not worst that calling him a civie. Him being an every man? _Kinda_ , just a little crazier. What was crazier it was that despite that, despite _everything_ , Demoman wanted him.

Soldier peered at Demo’s face again. The way his eye moved side to side evidenced that he was more in Morpheus’s arms than in his lap. Soldier chuckled. He felt lucky that someone as handsome as Tavish could have looked back at him. Demo affirmed the contrary, what leaned to pointless discussions that always went to nowhere.

Out of the blue, Demoman snored—a little too loud. He soon had his eye wide open, his own snore having awakened him. He muttered a quiet swearword, as he gradually sat alongside Soldier. He looked at Soldier, all around him, and to Soldier again, finding his place in the world again.

“Fuck, how long have we been like this?”

Soldier shugged.

Demo giggled. “Ye must be sore,” said while lazyly stroking Soldier’s legs, “too much thinkin’ when what ye need is sleep.”

“I always wake up at the same hour.” 5am in point, everyday.

“As the old man ye are,” he grinned.

Soldier backhanded Demoman’s arm while smiling. Demo kissed Soldier’s cheek in response, before he accommodated in the bed as is should. He crawled up to place his head in the satin pillowcases ( _“is good for the hair and the face!”_ ), looking at the closer wall with his legs still atop of Soldier’s knees.

“Soldier...”

He was too occupied staring at Demo to move, who already closed his eye. Soldier took the hint, placing himself behind of Demo to spoon him.

“Ye... ye wanted to tell me something, isnae it?”

He wanted to tell everything to Demo.

“Goodnight Demo.”

But he didn’t (he couldn’t), once more.

“Okay... it’s okay...” whispered Demo sleepy. Soldier wasn’t sure if Demo was comforting him or himself.

After a few, Soldier opened his mouth again.

“Demo?”

Silent.

Soldier got up enough to see Demo’s face again. His eye was moving side to side.

Maybe next time.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks again to the mysterious beta reader!


End file.
